I’m Naomi, and I have three grandchildren: Tovi, Anya and Toshka, and two step-granddaughters: Lily and Florri. Becoming a grandparent depends on our children. It’s they who decide whether they will have children, when and how many. Our first grandchild turns us into grandparents. Each grandchild has at least two biological pairs of grandparents – more if the family is blended. So we become part of an enlarged family. And if a grandparent has died, perhaps long before he or she became one, the family still refer to that person as the child’s grandparent.
What kind of voice have we got? We are still parents of our children, and here a grandparent’s voice may provide the best (or worst ) gift. Many grandparents live too far away to babysit and aren’t wealthy enough to give expensive presents. But they can still be a vital part of their family. New parents are acutely sensitive as to how people judge their parenting. So grandparents are especially valuable, not so much for their advice, but for the calm that comes from experience. A few words of approval from a grandparent can be an absolute tonic for an exhausted and anxious parent, and this sense of calm can filter down to the grandchildren. Unfortunately, the reverse is also possible and a grandparent’s criticism (even if intended to be helpful) can really hurt.
Grandparents ‘sparkle’ when they mention their grandchildren, observed one researcher. Often there is a loving understanding between them that transcends the differences in age and experience. Grandparents can also enchant their grandchildren by the stories they tell, and from many accounts this shows how grandparents worldwide use their voices.
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Naomi Stadlen is author of Why Grandmothers Matter, published by Pinter & Martin. Read our review here.
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Published in issue 85. Accurate at the time this issue went to print. Photo not of author.
