Grief and Loss
Parents share gestures of love and support that...
SENSITIVE CONTENT WARNING: Please be aware, this article discusses baby loss. “What can I do to help?” someone kindly asked me in the weeks after my sons’ deaths. “Nothing,” I replied. And it was true. There was absolutely nothing that could possibly help the searing pain, or plug the cavern that opened in my heart when I gave birth to my twins at just under 24 weeks into my pregnancy and lost them both. This did not mean I did not appreciate that person asking. Every single offer of support was appreciated. Every card, letter, gift, bunch of flowers and offer of home-cooked meals. All of it I associated with love – for me, but also love for my boys. Having lived for just three hours in the arms of my husband and me, the only love they knew physically on this Earth was us. They did not get a lifetime of...
Parents share gestures of love and support that helped after baby loss
SENSITIVE CONTENT WARNING: Please be aware, this article discusses baby loss. “What can I do to help?” someone kindly asked me in the weeks after my sons’ deaths. “Nothing,” I replied. And...
A dad's story of miscarriage
Miscarriage is a mysterious and devastating thing. I don’t think dads talk about their experience of miscarriage enough, and they should. They should because it’s real, it’s very common and it helps to talk about it. Here is the story of this dad’s miscarriage. My wife and I had planned to get pregnant and could not have been happier when we saw the 2 blue lines. But... During week 6 the storm began when my wife found a small amount of blood. We quickly googled and found out about spotting; common, perfectly normal bleeding during early pregnancy. We put it down to this, but the doctor still booked an appointment at the emergency scan department of the hospital. This is a weird place! We were sitting in a corridor, opposite the sonographer's room. Women and couples go into the room with an anxious look on their face and come out...
A dad's story of miscarriage
Miscarriage is a mysterious and devastating thing. I don’t think dads talk about their experience of miscarriage enough, and they should. They should because it’s real, it’s very common and...
Two for Joy: Rosalind Kingston-Jones shares the...
As I write this, I should be 27 weeks pregnant. Instead, it is three and a half weeks since I gave birth. The bleeding has stopped, and my breasts are no longer heavy with milk. But there is an ache in my heart and my arms. I have lost two babies. But I feel I have also lost so much more.
Two for Joy: Rosalind Kingston-Jones shares the agony of losing her twins
As I write this, I should be 27 weeks pregnant. Instead, it is three and a half weeks since I gave birth. The bleeding has stopped, and my breasts are...
Grief: making space for sadness and sorrow
I want to write about grief ̶ and the sorrow and sadness that come with it. I want to give it the space it deserves. To date, grief has been taboo in our culture. Though we as a society are perhaps more open about it than ever before, it is true to say that we have been taught to express ‘positive’ emotions like happiness, joy and kindness, yet to hide ‘negative’ emotions such as anger, sadness, grief and depression. Grief is a painful but necessary process and suppressing it can be damaging on every level. It doesn’t just come with the death of a loved one either; it can happen with a job loss, a house move, unfulfilled dreams, ancestral trauma, pandemic fallout, and so the endless list goes on. I must also mention ‘Earth grief’ caused by the rapid decline of species and habitats, the rise in environmental toxicity...
Grief: making space for sadness and sorrow
I want to write about grief ̶ and the sorrow and sadness that come with it. I want to give it the space it deserves. To date, grief has been...
Changing death care, one family at a time
Not long ago death, like birth, was seen as a natural part of life. When a loved one died, families, friends and neighbours gathered to tenderly care for their own at home, to support and help each other and to make arrangements for the funeral. Families were responsible for washing, dressing and respectfully laying out their loved one’s body in the front room or parlour. This approach was considered a normal way to connect, mourn and deal with death. Nowadays, it is more likely that care is hurriedly handed over to strangers and that professionals lead and direct the funeral. But times are changing. More and more families are recognising that they are the best people to care for their loved ones after they die, and are taking responsibility to lead and arrange part or all of the funeral themselves. Reclaiming death care The mission of the contemporary home-funeral movement...
Changing death care, one family at a time
Not long ago death, like birth, was seen as a natural part of life. When a loved one died, families, friends and neighbours gathered to tenderly care for their own...
How to heal as a couple after a miscarriage
In the UK, it is estimated that one in four pregnancies end in loss during pregnancy or birth.1 Attention tends to be focused on the woman who has experienced the physical loss, and men’s grief often takes a back seat to the expectation that they support their partner. However, men also experience sadness, stress, anxiety and depression after their partner miscarries. It is really important to create space for their own experience and loss. While there is limited research on the psychological reactions of male partners after a miscarriage, we know that many men are left feeling alone, not wanting to burden their partner, but unable to talk to others about their emotions.2 Men often choose to hide their feelings, rather than speaking up about their emotional state, and do not necessarily present their grief in a way that others recognise. If a man is suffering from grief, he doesn’t...
How to heal as a couple after a miscarriage
In the UK, it is estimated that one in four pregnancies end in loss during pregnancy or birth.1 Attention tends to be focused on the woman who has experienced the...
Why it's so important to talk about death
Ross Cormack explores why adults don’t like talking about death and explains why it’s so important that we normalise the conversation for children... The thought of talking about death with children can be a terrifying prospect for any parent; so much so, that many of us avoid it all together – possibly because the idea of our own mortality creates fear and anxiety in us, and probably because we’re afraid of frightening our children. In my work as a child bereavement specialist, I’ve often encountered parents and professionals who want to censor death from children altogether. I’ve known parents of non-bereaved children expressing anger at schools because a bereaved child in class has been talking about his loss in front of his classmates. A children’s television programme recently showed one of its characters accidently squashing a butterfly and this, according to media headlines, sparked a backlash amongst some parents, unhappy...
Why it's so important to talk about death
Ross Cormack explores why adults don’t like talking about death and explains why it’s so important that we normalise the conversation for children... The thought of talking about death with...
Ways to help children process loss
I work with people who have a terminal diagnosis. What I’ve learnt about loss, however, is not limited to my experience as a practitioner. I’ve also learnt about loss through being a mother, through my divorce, and through the many transitions of growth and ageing that are a typical part of the human experience. Loss is everywhere. If we fear it and try to avoid it, we are fighting a losing battle. Loss catches up with us, and if not expressed or addressed, it manifests in a myriad of challenging ways. Loss is simply another part of life, and if we can learn to accept it, and even embrace it, we stand to experience a greater depth and quality of living. My children had their first experience of loss when my marriage ended and their father moved out of our family home. The last three years of solo parenting has...
Ways to help children process loss
I work with people who have a terminal diagnosis. What I’ve learnt about loss, however, is not limited to my experience as a practitioner. I’ve also learnt about loss through...