Postnatal care is the poor little sister of the birth world. Our culture focuses entirely on the baby rather than the needs of the new mother. This is reflected in the fact that the majority of the gifts given to new parents are baby clothes and toys. Yet, babies do not care for plush toys and clothing. What they need most, beyond warmth, shelter and food, is loving carers. It makes sense that attention and gifts, rather than being directed at the baby, ought to be directed at the mother.
This wisdom is still part of many cultures around the world today, where new mothers are given a period of rest and nurture, lasting about a month, and during which other people take care of the household. It used to be part of western culture too, yet it has been lost in favour of a culture which glorifies a mother who ‘goes back to normal‘ as soon as possible, as if nothing has happened.
I collected many stories by listening to mothers from different cultures, and these stories illustrate the stark contrast between our culture and cultures that understand the need to nurture new mothers; mothers in our culture are missing out. My friend Swati told me that when her twins were born in India, her mum hired an old lady from the village to come and give her a full-body massage every day for a month! Hellen, from Kenya, told me a harrowing tale of the difference between her experiences after giving birth to her first child in Kenya, and her second in the UK. She told me that, in Kenya, people fight over who will cook dinner for you, and you don’t even have to wash yourself. When she moved to the UK and her second child was born, she had no family nearby. She had an older child to take to preschool, and a husband who expected a hot dinner on the table every night. She felt utterly lonely. She desperately missed the community and the postnatal support back home, and cried every day.
Traditional postpartum support can be categorised into four main areas: rest, food, bodywork and social support. These categories overlap. For instance, when it comes to rest and social support, having relatives (usually women) around to help during the postpartum period means that there is another pair of hands to cook, do chores, hold the baby or entertain older children while the new mother rests. It also means that the mother is never alone. Being alone with a new baby and trying to meet the intense needs of a newborn, while recovering from pregnancy and birth and trying to look after yourself, is a near impossible task.
The ‘rest’ aspect comes from the understanding that a new mother is recovering from growing and birthing a baby, which takes time, just as it does for anyone who has undertaken an enormous physical feat. It also acknowledges the fact that her sleep is being disrupted by caring for her new baby and that she needs more sleep during the day.
When it comes to food and nutrition, growing and birthing a baby can deplete the mother of essential nutrients, and she may well lose some blood during the birth. Traditional postpartum foods are designed to be nourishing, and are similar to foods given to any convalescent or recovering person – nutrient-dense, warm and rich in iron. This food is also designed to support the onset of breastfeeding.
The emphasis on bodywork acknowledges the tremendous changes a mother’s body goes through to grow and birth a baby, which are then reversed once the baby is born. There are traditional massages, akin to empirical osteopathy, as well as binding practices, found on every continent. However, in the west, these practices have been forgotten. There is also an understanding that the mother has lost of a lot of ‘heat’ after giving birth, so keeping her warm is paramount.
it is easier to plan for a nurturing postpartum before the baby arrives, and to get your supporters on board
The social support aspect recognises that being alone isn’t normal, and that, as well as needing support around the house so they can rest, new mothers also need other experienced mothers around them while they learn to mother and care for their babies.
I am acutely aware that most of us do not live in close-knit communities, that many of us live away from our families, and that, therefore, it can seem difficult to recreate a supportive postpartum in the west. I believe, however, that it is possible in today’s modern world, to recreate the essential elements of postpartum support.
I suggest to pregnant women that they use the four pillars as a basis to write a postnatal recovery plan. It is easier to plan for a nurturing postpartum before the baby arrives, and to get your supporters on board. You can write a list of bullet points under each category, or you could make a spidergram or mind map, or even a collage, to help decide what’s most important to you and what you would like your postnatal time to look like.
A wonderful way to encourage a shift in guiding your support circle towards you, rather than the baby, is to have a mother blessing, a mother-centred alternative to a baby shower. A circle of friends gather to honour the mother and make her feel pampered and special. A mother blessing is the perfect time to request gifts and pledges of support for after the birth, such as delivered meals or help with caring for older children.
Some women put up a list and ask people to tick their names against it, and friends and family bring postpartum gifts and vouchers for the mother. It can be made even more special by bringing these people back together for a postpartum gathering to celebrate the new mother a few weeks after the birth (and they can bring more gifts and food then).
Postnatal recovery is important for the new mother and society as a whole. It is well worth planning for, and even within the constraints of our nuclear family culture, it is still possible to have a nurturing postpartum time.
Here is a summary you can use as a basis to write a postnatal recovery plan:
Rest
- Help with the household (cooking, cleaning, other children etc). Make a list of potential helpers. If you can afford it, consider hiring a postnatal doula or ask family and friends to buy you doula vouchers. This can be a game-changer.
- Visitors. List them and consider how to manage them so they do not interfere with rest. Write a ‘new mother and baby sleeping’ note for the door.
- Sleep when the baby sleeps, get early nights, sleep with your baby.
- Relaxation – techniques and apps.
Food
- Batch cook and freeze.
- Who could make meals, deliver food or organise meal trains?
- Deliveries (supermarkets, takeaway meals, frozen, fresh, meal boxes).
- Stock up on nutritious non-perishable snacks.
- Use a sling so you have your hands to fix yourself some food.
Bodywork
- Postnatal massages or ‘Closing the Bones’ type rituals.
- Specialist manual therapists such as osteopaths, chiropractors, and physiotherapists.
- Wrapping your pelvis/abdomen.
- Keeping warm.
Social support
- Friends, family, neighbours.
- Hired help (doulas, nannies, cleaners).
- Online support (social media groups, WhatsApp groups).
Planning for the unplanned
How to navigate possible curveballs such as if you give birth by caesarean when this wasn’t part of your plan, if you have a long hospital stay after the birth, or if your baby needs time in neonatal care. What might your recovery look like in these situations?
Gifts
- Ask people who want to give you gifts for postpartum recovery support instead.
- Make a list to suggest what you’d like, for example: food delivery, help around the house, a doula, some massage vouchers.
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Sophie Messager is a scientist-turned-doula based in Cambridge. Her book, Why Postnatal Recovery Matters, is published by Pinter & Martin. sophiemessager.com
Photograph by Ali Dover. alidover.com
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Published in issue 68. Accurate at the time this issue went to print.
