Parenting
Co-sleeping: the secret none of us are sharing
Co-sleeping, bed-sharing, sleeping in sensory proximity: however we describe it, the practice of sharing your bed with your baby or child is widely regarded as a taboo, and is an increasingly divisive subject among parents. As a new mum almost 14 years ago, I once sheepishly admitted to my health visitor that I was so tired that I’d fallen asleep while feeding my daughter in bed and woken in a panic several hours later. The stern words I received from her were enough to make sure that from then on the only way I ‘co-slept’ was on the bedroom floor, one arm awkwardly crooked through the bars of the crib as I held my daughter’s chubby hand. However, several rounds of IVF and two babies later, things changed when my son was diagnosed with severe reflux at just a few days old. Although I was experienced and confident with breastfeeding,...
Co-sleeping: the secret none of us are sharing
Co-sleeping, bed-sharing, sleeping in sensory proximity: however we describe it, the practice of sharing your bed with your baby or child is widely regarded as a taboo, and is an...
Imaginative Play: Lou Harvey-Zahra shares ideas...
The greatest wonder of childhood is imaginative play. However hard we try, true imaginative play after childhood is lost forever. Our logical mind tells us that the wooden block is not a bar of soap, or the shells are not golden coins. Imaginative play lays the foundation for creative thinking (understanding and creating solutions in later life, a form of higher intelligence). Albert Einstein said, “Imagination is more Important than knowledge.” Knowledge has a limit, but imagination is endless… Toys that develop good imaginary play skills in young children often mimic the ‘real’ world. Great toys do not come from shops, but are often repurposed household equipment and objects from nature. A play kitchen Buy or find second-hand a wooden dresser and a cooker. (You could also make a cooker from a bedside table, adding cork for the heating elements.) Assemble old little saucepans and cooking equipment. Items from nature...
Imaginative Play: Lou Harvey-Zahra shares ideas for what she believes is the best way to play
The greatest wonder of childhood is imaginative play. However hard we try, true imaginative play after childhood is lost forever. Our logical mind tells us that the wooden block is...
Paternity leave: a dad's perspective
Deciding to take paternity leave was easy for me. I wanted to do what I could to support my wife as we embarked on a new stage of our life together and I was fortunate that my employer allows dads two weeks of paternity leave on full pay rather than the somewhat meagre amounts that most dads are entitled to under the government’s statutory rates. I did think about the fact that there might be a few practical challenges that I would have to overcome due to the nature of my job as a university lecturer. I knew that there was a good chance that my paternity leave would coincide with a pretty busy time of the academic year and that this could mean that some of my colleagues might have to take on a bit of extra work for a week or two in my absence. However, I tried...
Paternity leave: a dad's perspective
Deciding to take paternity leave was easy for me. I wanted to do what I could to support my wife as we embarked on a new stage of our life...
Mindful Dad: on seeing hope
I’m watching my daughter “running fast”, from the kitchen, through the dining room, into the living room – and then back again. My heart is in my mouth because this is not a big house and the path that she is wending is narrow. Yet she continues to hurtle past me, backwards and forwards, bumping off door frames, narrowly missing the corner of the table, her feet slipping on the tiles of the kitchen floor. “I’m running fast,” she reminds me as she whizzes past – which is normally code for “I’m overtired and I need the potty, but I don’t want to sit on the potty, so I’ll run backwards and forwards instead.” Another flyby and a close encounter with the cabinet sets my nerves rattling and a houseplant wobbling in its ceramic pot. But she keeps going. This will end in tears, I’m sure of it, and my...
Mindful Dad: on seeing hope
I’m watching my daughter “running fast”, from the kitchen, through the dining room, into the living room – and then back again. My heart is in my mouth because this...
Becoming a father again at 58
I am 58 years of age. I have a 33 year-old stepson and a 24 year-old daughter from my first marriage. In 1997 I married again – to a woman who is 22 years younger than me. We never discussed having children because my wife, Laura, has pulmonary hypertension. I knew children were off the agenda until one day in 1998 out of the blue Laura announced: “I want a baby.” I was surprised, worried for her and perplexed about what had brought this sudden determination to turn the tables on medical advice. At the back of my mind, not only was there the risk to mother and baby, but also I was unprepared for the thought of going through the parenting process again. The second child from my first marriage had arrived when my stepson was nine and although the first nine years had been rewarding, I remember reflecting that...
Becoming a father again at 58
I am 58 years of age. I have a 33 year-old stepson and a 24 year-old daughter from my first marriage. In 1997 I married again – to a woman who...
Richard Brinton reflects on the milestones of t...
If you are asked what have been the greatest achievements of your life so far, you can be excused for thinking of things you have done in your adult years – when you have more consciously taken your life in hand out of your own free will and initiative. As we look towards Christmas and the New Year, thinking about new birth and new light, I like to think of a completely different time of life, one we usually don’t even remember, yet its achievements affect us profoundly for life: the young child from birth to approximately 3 years of age. The first year and walking The first absolutely amazing feat of the first year of life is birth itself. In one final act, the world of the newborn has been turned inside out. Protected and nurtured before in the womb of the mother, the child is thrust into a...
Richard Brinton reflects on the milestones of the first three years of life
If you are asked what have been the greatest achievements of your life so far, you can be excused for thinking of things you have done in your adult years...
How telling your life story can transform your ...
When Patty Wipfler was a young mother, she met a younger acquaintance who asked her what being a parent was like. Patty burst into tears. She explained that although she had always loved children, parenting was so much more exhausting and stressful than she thought it would be. She confessed that she was starting to lose her temper, being aggressive towards her children in a similar way to how she had been treated as a child. As Patty talked and cried, the woman just listened. Afterwards Patty went home and found that she felt completely different. She had much more energy, and renewed patience to be with her children again. When she next met the young woman she asked her what she had done. The woman explained to Patty the simple method of listening she had used, and how it can help us to release our feelings. Patty began taking...
How telling your life story can transform your parenting
When Patty Wipfler was a young mother, she met a younger acquaintance who asked her what being a parent was like. Patty burst into tears. She explained that although she...
How swimming helped this dad bond with his new ...
When I first met Zach I realised that most of my preparations were flawed. I hadn’t known that he would wiggle and cry so much. I must admit that my confidence was rocked. When Zach was born I was working away every week, so after a week’s paternity leave I was only spending time with him on Saturdays and Sundays. Lora, my wife, was a first-time mum and was learning how to manage with a little one, so it seemed easier to default to her than to take the lead. I had always been a swimmer and felt most at home in, on or under the water, and I wanted Zach to share this love. With the rest of our antenatal class we booked onto a baby swim course. When the day came I was quite nervous. Lora changed Zach, gave him to me on the poolside and off we...
How swimming helped this dad bond with his new baby
When I first met Zach I realised that most of my preparations were flawed. I hadn’t known that he would wiggle and cry so much. I must admit that my...
Grooming choices and the hidden power of body hair
The first time I encountered the concept of body hair removal, I was about 8 or 9. Various female relatives were chatting about my sister and me when discussion turned to our eyebrows. My sister, they reckoned, had perfect eyebrows, whereas I had the misfortune to have inherited my mother’s monobrow. I would, they said, definitely have to pluck my eyebrows when I got older. Later on, newly aware of the fact that the size of my eyebrows mattered, and painfully aware that the size was wrong, I rectified the situation. I did what 8-year-olds do if they need to get rid of hair – I cut it. I cut big chunks of hair out of the middle of each of my eyebrows. And so began twenty-odd years of hair-removal mishaps. There was the first time I shaved my legs, at about 12 or 13, sneaking my dad’s razor in...
Grooming choices and the hidden power of body hair
The first time I encountered the concept of body hair removal, I was about 8 or 9. Various female relatives were chatting about my sister and me when discussion turned...
Embracing fatherhood as a stay-at-home dad
“I think it would work best if I go back to work full-time and you stay at home and look after Maya. What do you think?” We had sold our flat in Edinburgh two months earlier and ever since had been travelling round the country catching up with friends and family. We had chosen a new city to live in, but we still hadn’t decided exactly how we were going to juggle jobs and the care of our six month-old daughter. And now, after a sleepless night, my wife was standing before me looking rather nervous and asking if I wanted to stay at home and be a house husband. “I think it is a great idea. But are you sure that is what you want?” The relief was clearly visible on her face. The decision made sense for us on so many levels, especially financially – which I have...
Embracing fatherhood as a stay-at-home dad
“I think it would work best if I go back to work full-time and you stay at home and look after Maya. What do you think?” We had sold our...
